Am I Psychic Clairvoyant’s Corner
Queue the X-Files intro music.
Have you ever wondered if you were psychic, if you somehow had extrasensory perception that goes beyond the bounds of known science? Well the answer is here, thanks to this Kickstarter Disaster, and that answer is…
Good gods, no!
You don’t, we don’t, Uri Geller doesn’t, your dog doesn’t either.
And if anyone makes a Kickstarter for 5000 dollars, to fund an app that tests your ESP and PK abilities, using words such as “scientifically proven”, when referring to anything that is NOT scientifically proven to exists – such as psychics, ESP, auras, hollow Earth, aliens, remote viewing, kamehameha waves etc – you should really know there’s something fishy.
Harry Houdini had a word for people like this, that word was humbug.
It also doesn’t help that the Kickstarter is being made by a person unable to flip a phone on its side to properly record a video. As a party game, as a joke, sure this could have been funny, but when he keeps using the word “scientific” and “science” in his pitch, taking this whole thing too seriously, it just makes things sad and very counterproductive.
The guy actually says: “Accepted and defended scientific standards”. What the fuck does that mean, are scientific standards like fortresses that have to be defended from rampaging orcs? Rampaging psychic orcs? Cause if the orcs are psychic then we’re already fucked.
Also, why do you need to beta test a psychic game app, shouldn’t you already have a tingly feeling in your ass when you’re writing the code as to what’ll work and what won’t? Here’s a free tip, it’s not your spider-sense, it’s hemorrhoids, get some cream.
The human race is about to change. Civilization will take a bold new leap into to future, all thanks to this one Kickstarter. A Kickstarter for Perpetual Motion!
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Perpetual motion for just 15 thousand dollars? That’s a physical impossibility”
Aha! That’s where you’re wrong. As the creator of this Kickstarter would say:
“look at all the other things considered impossible in there day, airplanes, sailing around the earth, tricking people into buying you metalworking equipment, moon landings, proper spelling”, ok, we added a couple towards the end there.
For you see, this man, with a background in mechanical maintenance – who apparently has no tools whatsoever – has found a way to make it work. What is the way? That’s a secret. Is there a prototype yet? No, that’s what he needs the funding for. Does he at least have plans for it? Yes, yes he does, but they’re a secret.
Why such secrecy, you may ask? It’s not because there’s no actual device, there is, it works with… um.. counterweights, and… bull…shit? This is so because if anyone, absolutely anyone sees them, yes, even you, then there’s a good chance these plans will be stolen. So for now it resides in the world’s safest place, this dude’s head, where not even the Illuminati can get…
Or can they?
Hmmm, what if the Illuminati are behind the first Kickstarter project and plan on creating a psychic army with which to steal this dude’s Perpetual Motion ideas from within the inner-reaches of his skull?
Well played Illuminati, well played.
Also someone tell this guy about entropy.
That being said, have I told you about my plans to invent Perpetual Energy? I can do it for only 20 thousand dollars. Kickstart it early, and you’ll get free exclusive membership to Sealsword.com.